What IS This, Anyway?

When I saw this… thing… in an antique store, it stopped me in my tracks. Normally, a large ceramic figure that’s really a two-part container functions as a cookie jar. But…

First, cookie jars don’t come with salt and pepper shakers. Plus, I found these particular salt and pepper shakers rather creepy.

Second, I would not put my perfectly good chocolate-chip cookies inside a dead bird.

Even a fake one.

So if you know the story behind these whimsical works of art, do tell! There’s room for you in the “Your Turn: Comments Welcome Here” box below the post, and I am truly curious.

After all, everybody has a story… even fake dead birds.

Thanks for reading!
Jan

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Over-Charged… or, Night of the Zombie Phone

Just in time for the new year… another terrifying tale about my maladjusted appliances. Or, in this case, electronics. Whatever. They’re all in cahoots.

I don’t turn my phone off very often. Instead, I just silence the ringer when I charge it overnight. But not long ago, the thing was acting kind of squirrely so I turned it off.

Minutes later, I turned it on and waited for the little Apple symbol to light up, showing that the phone was waking up, then left it to do its boot-up thing.

Half an hour later, the little Apple symbol still showed. No home screen.

I tried turning the phone off, holding the button down for several seconds.

It wouldn’t turn off.

Unplug it and turn it off again?

No change.

I picked it up. “Oooh, it feels kind of warm.”

Brent said, “Better take it to the AT&T store.”

They’d be open for another 45 minutes, so off I went.

Went inside and told the guy “My phone won’t turn off.”

He took it and immediately dropped it onto the counter. “That thing is hot!

Sure enough, the phone had begun to warp.

The AT&T guy nervously wrapped it in a shop towel. “Is it okay with you if I set it outside in case it blows up?”

“Be my guest,” I told him. I mean, I didn’t want to die by phone shrapnel, either.

After duly buying another phone and getting everything set up, I took the barbecued unit, still in its towel, home for disposal. But what was I gonna do with it? I wasn’t about to put it in the wastebasket and start a house fire.

The one time I’d dropped my first smartphone into water, it went dead in about two seconds. So I got a bucket, ran a few inches of water in it, and gave the phone a burial at sea, only on the driveway. Then I waited respectfully for its light to go out forever.

And waited.

A whole minute went by… It was still looking up at me from its watery grave.

This was ridiculous. Clearly, I had a Zombie Phone on my hands. What can you do but go inside and hope it gives up?

Three minutes later… Yep, I’ve still got a luminaria out here. Stomped back inside, this time stubbornly staying away until nearly bedtime. You cannot imagine my relief when I went outside and found… darkness.

Free at last!

I fished the phone out and let it lie in state on the kitchen island until morning.

Next day, when I went to view the remains, I saw…
(Cue “Psycho” music)

“chaaarrge… meeeeee…” it seemed to be whispering.

Yeah, right. I may not be as smart as my phone, but I’m not about to fall for that again.

Thanks for reading,
Jan

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Of Figs and Peppers

“Write what you know,” goes the usual advice.

So… I’m writing this series of short humorous novels. I’ve mentioned before that the stories take place in Palestine, Texas, which happens to be my home town.

I set some key events in Book 2 in late October, during Palestine’s annual “Hot Pepper Festival.” Then I realized I’ve never actually attended the festival. For the sake of research (and another excuse to eat at Little Mexico), I decided to spend that weekend in Palestine.

A friend had posted on Facebook, recommending a B&B just off downtown. We could walk right to all the action.

Not having to park downtown during the chaos of a local festival, complete with parade?

Sold!

With that in mind, I reserved a room at Fig Tree Manor. I’d drive over on Friday morning–I had people and places to see–and Brent would join me on Saturday.

One place I wanted to visit was the historic Redlands Hotel. My ol’ high school friend Kevin recently helped launch a Smooth Rock radio station (93.5 FM), and had posted that they were broadcasting from the Redlands. I had to pop by and check it out.

Yeah, there’s an office upstairs, with the computers and mics and stuff. But where do Kevin and his co-DJ Marc broadcast their live morning show? Well, from a table in the first-floor art gallery, of course. (Ooo-kay… why not?) They sit right in front of the picture window (“Our Window on the World,” they call it) and play music and keep everyone updated on the latest local goings-on.

Kevin was running around getting ready for the Hot Pepper Festival. While I waited for him to orbit back to the studio / art gallery / hotel / Building of Historic Awesomeness, I looked at some beautifully nostalgic watercolor paintings… then got to meet the artist.

David Tripp paints country and small-town scenes, nature, railroad art, and antiques. Here he is with some of his work. (Like it? Click here to visit his website, or HERE to visit his blog.)

After duly having dinner at Little Mexico, it was time to go back to the B&B to recharge. PERFECT place for relaxing!

Tom, our host, cooks up a fabulous breakfast that is friendly to any dietary preferences you might have. You want a little kick in your omelette? — hang on, let’s grab a banana pepper from the garden out back. An array of teas and Keurig coffees ensure you are fueled with your favorite caffeine (or non-). And all from this vintage little kitchen…

I tell ya, that home town of mine gets more interesting all the time. Let’s hope my novellas can do it justice.

Thanks for reading,
Jan

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Tuscany on Two Wheels

Last time, I promised to tell you all about our Ciclismo Classico bicycle tour in Italy, besides just the amazing food and guides and lodging and cappuccinos.


Here’s the bike garage at Il Mollinello, our guide Sandro’s home / B&B / 14th-century gristmill. First, let me say up front that this jaw-dropping wonder world of bikes absolutely could beat up the bike garage at our house.

I think I saw Brent taking notes.

 

 

The rides started out pretty easy–at a casual pace, too. Here, Brent is uncharacteristically taking time to stop and get a photo.

That’s as opposed to his usual technique of taking them one-handed, on the fly, with sometimes less-than-graceful results.

 

 

Some of our routes coincided with the route of L’Eroica, the gravel ride that was to be the pinnacle of the tour. Area road signs include permanent route markers.
Every hour or so, whichever guide was driving the van would pull over and set up a rest stop. Snacks, baby!

The next day, we rode to a town called Montalcino. Please note: when riding to a place in Italy whose name starts with the letters “Mont-,” don’t expect the road there to be flat. As you can see from my elevation reading (below left), this wasn’t exactly a Rocky-Mountain level peak. I mean, there was air at the top, and all. But talk about steep!

Our reward for that climb was getting to see this old castle (right), which our guide Marcello knew all about.

After the castle, we rode downhill (yaaay!) to a unique vineyard for a tour and lunch. Here’s what happens when a family of artists are turned loose in a vineyard…

The day before L’Eroica, the group took a practice ride on their retro bikes. If you notice the third-person pronoun, yeah. I didn’t participate. By this time I’d decided that gravel roads are just not for me. No worries, that left me free to take photos and do a little shopping around the village of Radda in Chianti. Gelato may have been involved.

Next morning started waaaay early. Brent bravely chose to do the long route, about 80 miles. Here he is with the other hardy souls before they rode down to Gaiole for the start. He’s the one in the middle, whose light, um, didn’t work.

As for me, I rode my nice new Bianchi to Gaiole–after sunrise, thank you–and enjoyed the village all morning. Best of all were the participants dressed in period costume. Plenty of them wore retro jerseys, but some folks went all out…
The guy in the middle photo was giving people old-school beard trims or, in this case, fixing up some mutton-chop sideburns.

 

And here’s my hero of the day, looking remarkably perky after the finish:

 

This was the greatest vacation ever. I challenged myself, rode up hills I had no idea I could climb, ate gallons of gelato, learned a lot about Italy, and made friends with some of the most charming and fun people around.
 

Thanks for reading!
Tailwinds,
Jan

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Time Traveling

Greetings, friends!

So, our big adventure this fall was our first-ever trip to Europe. Call us ambitious, but we’d booked an 8-day bicycle tour for the first week of October… then our older son got stationed in Germany and moved his family there over the summer.

“As long as we’re flying across the ocean anyway…….”

I’ll tell you, going from North Texas where everything was built between the 1870s and last week, to Europe, was like traveling through time.

First stop, Florence (Firenza): Our hotel was a 17th-century building renovated into a hotel, with original art still on the ceilings. I kid you not, we had baby angels on the ceiling in our room. Favorite thing: Breakfast was included. They even offered “American” coffee, which was strong enough to carry our suitcases for us. They also offered cappuccinos. Even non-coffee-drinker Brent accepted one, both mornings.

Asciano: We stayed in a 14th-century gristmill, owned by one of our guides and now operating as a B&B named Il Molinello, meaning “Little Mill.” The cottages aren’t new, but still appear much younger than even the “modern” 18th-century addition to the original mill… not to mention the remnants of an Etruscan irrigation pipe dating from the 7th century BC.

I felt silly, fussing because I had trouble connecting to WiFi…..

Each morning at breakfast, our hostess offered cappuccinos. I had one… or two… -ish. Brent had one each morning.

Siena: Oooh, a modern hotel. We didn’t know how to act. But at breakfast, we both made ourselves at home in front of the self-serve cappuccino machine.

Radda in Chianti: We stayed in an 18th-century palace renovated into a hotel. It charmed me with original-looking beams in the ceiling and old brick trim around the windows. Oddly out of place was the modern bathroom with a weird “sink” so shallow it only served to splash water out whenever we washed our hands. And forget about washing out any clothes in there.
Breakfast? Delicious. And, mmmmm… cappuccinos…

After all the cycling and wine-tasting and olive-oil drizzling and overstuffing ourselves at dinner every night, we parted ways with our guides and fellow tour participants and flew to Munich.

Guess what? They have old buildings in Germany, too.

And cappuccino.

And sausage.

We had a great time visiting the kids. One evening we hiked up to this little 13th-century fixer-upper that used to be a castle. No roof or floors, but the gun slits in the walls were still in fine condition, thank you.

Next time, I’ll tell you about the bicycling, which was originally the whole point of the trip.

Meanwhile, I’m getting my head firmly back into the 21st century. Now, for a cappuccino….

Thanks for reading!
Tailwinds,
Jan

Posted in I Remember When... (my OWN stories), Thoughts on Two Wheels | 6 Comments

Olympic, um, “Athletes”

You walk away from the house and the cantankerous appliances for, like, 30 hours, and what happens?

Portable electronics take up the rebellion, of course.

August 4 was our first time to participate in the “Blazin’ Saddle” bike rally in Granbury, Texas. Brent signed up for the 75-mile route, while I signed up for “Start with the 20-milers and see how it goes.”

We drove part of the route the evening before, taking special note of the infamous “Skulls Crossing” area. It’s pretty much a dry creek bed except when it rains, which it wasn’t going to. The road dips steeply down and even more steeply up, a 16-percent grade. Fortunately, the climb is short, but really. I wasn’t sure either hip or knee joints would survive.

After a decent night’s sleep at the motel, we ate while loading our bikes and stuff in the car. Then we lined up at the junior high school with lots and lots of other people…

Even though I’ve had a Garmin bike computer for several months, I keep forgetting to activate it when rides actually start. Sure enough, I wobbled through the first quarter mile, tryna push the right buttons to START RIDE.

My proudest moment was when I climbed up Skulls Crossing without having to get off and walk.

The ride went smoothly from there. Somehow none of the other climbs seemed very challenging compared to that SIXTEEN PERCENT Skulls Crossing. >shudders<

Even as I approached "The Peaks," a ridge rising abruptly from the rolling hills, I couldn't complain. Then the road turned toward the north and fell away in a long, straight, beautiful downhill. I reached to push the "Lap" button on my computer, so I could easily find the location when I uploaded the map later.

Unfortunately, I accidentally hit "Pause" instead. I quickly realized this and frantically pushed buttons to get the computer recording again before I picked up too much speed.

Okay… 31.4 MPH and a -9% grade. Woohooooo!

It must have been fifteen minutes later when I checked my distance and elapsed time. Then checked again after a few more minutes, only to find the same readings.

Uh-oh.

THE COMPUTER IS STILL PAUSED!

I started it recording again, but that lovely downhill run is now unprovable, as is my total distance.

Meanwhile, on the Super Long Route, Brent was having troubles of his own.

Like me, it started shortly after the ride began, when he hit a bump and one of his water bottles bounced right out of its cage on the frame. One of the good bottles… so he had to retrieve it, losing the pack he’d started out with.

Later, in an especially scenic stretch, he decided to take a picture. Without stopping, of course. So he pulled his new phone out and opened the camera, intending to use the volume button to snap the photo one-handed.

Imagine his surprise when the phone started vibrating and emitting a loud DEFCON 1–type sound. Something popped up on the screen and Brent’s finger brushed it as he was trying to make the noise stop.

Yeah, he’d just found the previously unknown Panic Button and followed up by dialing 9-1-1.

Conceding defeat, he stopped so he could use both hands to throttle silence his phone. At last he managed to tap the Disconnect button.

Whew!

Four seconds later, Hood County Emergency Services called him back.

The dispatcher was understanding but amused at Brent’s predicament. I’m sure that wasn’t the first time something like that had happened.

Between the two of us, we’re unbeatable. I mean, we should be in the Olympics, right? I’m not sure what sport we’d fit under…

…maybe “Synchronized Fumbling?”

Thanks for reading!
Tailwinds,
Jan

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Grandparenting: Not for the Faint of Heart

Greetings! We’ve just had a wonderful, whirlwind visit from our son and his family. I’m catching up on sleep and may be lucid enough to write a blog entry…

The littles were great fun. The older two entertained us in the pool, with crafts, and by generally rocketing around singing and talking and asking questions. And I had plenty of time to snuggle with Baby Brother.

Grandpa took the older boy upstairs and pulled out the mother-lode of Legos, which kept them both busy for hours. Grandson found a flexible Lego hose, probably part of a spaceship kit, and discovered he could blow into it to produce an extremely high-pitched whistling sound.

Unfortunately, there were more hoses, which he shared with his little sister. Between them, I felt like I was in a nightmare where the teakettle is whistling and I can’t… get… to… the… stove… to… turn… it… off.

Overall, my days went something like

High energy high energy high energy Whee! high energy tweeeeeeet tweeeeeeeeeeeeet high energy Watch this, Grandma! high energy high energy high energy Waaaah, he pushed me! high energy tweeeeeeeeeet high energy high ener–“Okay, kids, Grandma can’t feel her face…”

I wouldn’t trade those few days, though. Seeing their intelligence, creativity, tenderness, determination, humor, and overall cuteness… it doesn’t get any better.

It’ll be our turn to visit them next time. I can’t wait.

You know… once I’ve rested up.

Thanks for reading,
Jan

Posted in I Remember When... (my OWN stories)