Tolkien and the Fellowship of the .38 Special

It’s been almost seven years since my dad died, and occasionally I still find a loose end that needs tying up. Case in point: his cheap old revolver that’s been hidden away on a shelf in our closet since we closed my parents’ house.

It’s a “.38 special,” complete with yellowing parts list and a box of bullets. I don’t want to say this type of gun is unreliable, but I hear that if you use it to shoot at an intruder, it’s even odds as to which of you gets wounded.

Recently we decided it’s ridiculous to keep a capricious handgun that we wouldn’t know how to use even if we wanted to, which we don’t. Brent pointed out that SWFA, a nearby gun and sporting goods store, buys guns from individuals.

“Great; I’ll take it in tomorrow,” I said.

It’ll be a slam dunk, right?

The next day, I drove over with the goods in a small bag…

ME: “Hi, I’m hoping you’ll take this old handgun. Mostly we want it out of our house.”

SWFA (removes gun from holster, raises eyebrows): “Yeah, I can’t take this. No one’ll buy it.” (Puts gun back in holster) “Try a pawn shop. They’ll take it.”

ME (pictures thug buying Dad’s gun and shooting me with it during a holdup): “Umm, thanks…”

Then I had the bright idea of turning it in at the police station for disposal…

ME: “Hi, I’d like to turn in this old handgun for disposal.”

POLICE RECEPTIONIST: “Oh… we don’t have a buyback program.”

ME: “I don’t want anything for it, but it isn’t safe. I think it should be destroyed.”

PASSING OFFICER (looks at revolver): “Yeah, these aren’t safe.”

ME: “Someone suggested pawning it, but I’d hate for it to be on the street.”

OFFICER: “Hmmm… We can’t destroy a weapon without a court order.”

ME: “Aaaah!”

OFFICER: “Maybe you could take it to the steel plant.” (grins) “They might smelt it into your next car.”

ME: (pictures self trekking to Mordor, climbing the volcanic Mt. Doom, and throwing the stupid revolver into the lava)

OFFICER: “… Of course, they’d have to run the serial number to make sure it wasn’t evidence in a criminal case … Besides, they wouldn’t have any way of knowing whether you were trying to destroy a murder weapon…”

ME: “Aaaaaaaaah!”

OFFICER: “Seriously, check with the bigger cities’ police departments like Dallas or Arlington. They have gun buyback programs.”

ME: “Will do.” (goes home, calls Arlington PD)

ARLINGTON: “We can’t take guns, we don’t have room to store them. Try a gun store.”


We’ve circled back to the gun store? Maybe that’s why they call it a “revolver.”

So much for the government trying to take away people’s guns. I can’t give this one to them. They won’t touch it with a ten-foot pole.

The lady in Arlington was really helpful, though. She offered to get hold of a man who might take the gun for parts. If not, she said something about calling 9-1-1 and having the police come pick it up.

ME: (pictures SWAT team approaching our house with extreme caution…..)

Dad would laugh his head off.

Your turn: Have you ever struggled to get rid of some albatross in your home? Tell me about it in the “Leave a Reply” box at bottom!

Thanks for reading,

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3 Responses to Tolkien and the Fellowship of the .38 Special

  1. Jeannine Johnson says:

    Oh, my goodness, that is to funny, your dad would really be laughing , hope you can get rid
    of that. Made for a great story though. Love Mom

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Steve Miller says:

    You know, you could probably just bury the thing. Just make sure you do it at midnight. And keep your flashlight hidden.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Pingback: .38 Special: The Fellowship Gathers | Joywriting: Everybody Has a Story

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